Maybe integration, like coaching itself, is best informed by what horses have always known: we become more fully ourselves in relationship with others who are becoming more fully themselves.

We know this moment: A client arrives carrying a question, a challenge, maybe an old story about who they are or what is possible. Then something happens. A horse moves toward them...or away. The client softens, and the horse responds. Or maybe nothing visible. Horse and human stand together: large hearts, compassionate listening, and gentle feedback.

That space is possibility. Potential inviting integration.

Clients don’t think they’re encountering something new. They feel it. They experience themselves differently. Something hidden beneath years of habit or protection is unearthed, and for a moment in the presence of the horses, they know themselves as the person they might become.

Then, the million-dollar question: how do we make it real, in “real life?”

It is more than understanding the insight or remembering an experience. Integration is how we live into the sensed potential. It is the movement from insight to becoming.

As practitioners, we have meaningful ways to support this journey. Coaching. Therapy. Circles. Reflection. Accountability. Small steps and practices. 

I believe that these approaches are enriched by something horses understand naturally. Herd.

One of my favorite places to work is The Healing Equine Ranch in the Santa Monica Mountains. Their horses have come through difficult circumstances or kill lots. Of course, they benefit from human care, but I’m fascinated by how much of their healing happens somewhere else.

They heal in herd.

Healthy horses carry wisdom that permeates. They stand together. Rest. Play. Regulate. They learn when to come closer and when to create space. Slowly, horses who have experienced trauma and disruption find safety, trust, and belonging. 

They become more fully themselves in community.

What if we do, too?

We sometimes imagine integration as an individual project: I had this insight. Now I need to work on myself. Having a coach or therapist as part of that process is tremendously helpful. 

What I have found to be equally important is creating a “community of playful practice”, or specifically a herd that listens for who we are becoming.

Lesson learned: early on, that herd is often not our friends and family. 

The people who love us often have an unconscious investment in the status quo. If I’ve always been the responsible one, the high achiever, the caretaker, the good listener, the person who never needs anything, my becoming asks something of them too. The default identities stifle becoming. 

I encourage clients to source a community--others who are also moving toward possibility, even if their visions are different. People who are also working toward becoming themselves. People who don’t need to prescribe what our becoming should look like. People who recognize and nourish what is emerging before we can fully hold it ourselves. We playfully practice together. 

We don’t organize these communities. Our part is to help them see the value and support them to create their own herd.

Because horses remind us of something we humans sometimes forget: we don’t become alone.

Horses can help us experience a different possibility, but it is in relationship that possibility gets practiced, nourished, tested, and eventually integrated into who we are.

Horses help us feel our potential.
Integration helps us live it.
Herd helps us become it. 

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*Above image: A group of leaders at The Healing Equine Ranch (mentioned in this article). From left to right: Travis Stock, Jen Nguyen, MaryCay Durrant, Alison Hunter, and Jessica Remsing.

*Visit MaryCayDurrant.com/Awaken to get MaryCay’s Awaken to Wonder Field Note, as well as information about her new mini book – both coming soon.

*You can also watch MaryCay's recent conversation with Travis Stock on our YouTube Channel.